Showing posts with label grief. Show all posts
Showing posts with label grief. Show all posts
Tuesday, September 10, 2013
Suicide: effects approx 65,000 Australians!.
Did you know that today is Suicide Prevention Day?
I recommend EVERYONE take 5 minutes out of thier busy scedual to read this article as "It’s all about taking the time to recognise suicide warning signs and reducing the stigma associated with seeking help".
http://www.mamamia.com.au/news/16-suicide-warning-signs/
As for my hospital stay I am not 100% sure on the exact details but I do have an appointment with my Urologist on the 18th (Wednesday) so I will be blogging after that. Please take the time to talk to family or friends if you suspect they have been thinking about commiting suicide or if they have tried in the past! Sometimes all someone needs is a sholder to cry on or an ear to listen.
Amanda <3.
Sunday, February 5, 2012
I'm back!!!!
Hello Everyone.
Wow I can't believe how long it's been since I last blogged. I do apologize!!.
Alot has happened in the last few months since my fingers last touched this keyboard (oh how I have missed you). First off I am feeling much better after the "problems" I had back at the end of Nov. Yay!. We this was our first christmas with out Nan.... it was hard but we survived.
On boxing day Hailee, Steve and I moved out of my parents place and into our own rental. It's the most gorgeous house (only 3 years old) so everything is very new and modern, the most important thing.. well there are 2. 1) The place is wheelchair accessable! & 2) It only takes Hailee and I 5 minutes to walk over to road to mum's work and to the supermarket.. score right?!. The first week felt quite strange because it just didnt feel like "our home" but now it feels like we've always lived here.
Time seems like it has sped up, it honestly doesnt feel like it's been 4 months since Nan has gone. Honestly it's quite hard to step foot in Lorraine (My Auntie)and her home. As to date we have only been there 3 times. The first was to clean out her waredrope. Wow, doing something like that is so surreal!!. I never thought I would do anything like that in my life.. especially for that woman.
It's strange it doesn't feel like she has gone, I was talking to Steve the other day about it, how I imagined I would cry non stop for months but honestly I have hardly cried at all. I think it's because we have not picked up her ashes and scattered them yet (If i got a say I wouldn't want to scatter them.. I want them here with me). But I am just a grandchild, I am not her child.
Ok let's move on.
It's my birthday in a few days. I'm looking forward to finally turning 25! (yep I'm a spring chicken) all my life I wanted to be 25, people seem to respect those around them at that age, it's like your not a child but you not a oldies(hehe). I'm also not looking forward to it because I never imagined being 25 without my grandmother. It's funny how you see a person that you love more then life it's self living forever. Unfortunatly it's not true :( Another thing I've come to realize, grief is a very funny thing and is different for everyone.
Ok well that's it in a nutshell & it's time for me to catch up on everyone elses blogs. Bye!
Oh, one last note. Hailee is growing up to be a real little miss, I don't mean she has an attatude(which does come out somedays.. oh god help me when we come to the teen years lol). But I mean she has grown up so much in the last few months, she's talking better, she's taller and just really seems to know who she is and what she wants chringes.
Amanda <3
Wow I can't believe how long it's been since I last blogged. I do apologize!!.
Alot has happened in the last few months since my fingers last touched this keyboard (oh how I have missed you). First off I am feeling much better after the "problems" I had back at the end of Nov. Yay!. We this was our first christmas with out Nan.... it was hard but we survived.
On boxing day Hailee, Steve and I moved out of my parents place and into our own rental. It's the most gorgeous house (only 3 years old) so everything is very new and modern, the most important thing.. well there are 2. 1) The place is wheelchair accessable! & 2) It only takes Hailee and I 5 minutes to walk over to road to mum's work and to the supermarket.. score right?!. The first week felt quite strange because it just didnt feel like "our home" but now it feels like we've always lived here.
Time seems like it has sped up, it honestly doesnt feel like it's been 4 months since Nan has gone. Honestly it's quite hard to step foot in Lorraine (My Auntie)and her home. As to date we have only been there 3 times. The first was to clean out her waredrope. Wow, doing something like that is so surreal!!. I never thought I would do anything like that in my life.. especially for that woman.
It's strange it doesn't feel like she has gone, I was talking to Steve the other day about it, how I imagined I would cry non stop for months but honestly I have hardly cried at all. I think it's because we have not picked up her ashes and scattered them yet (If i got a say I wouldn't want to scatter them.. I want them here with me). But I am just a grandchild, I am not her child.
Ok let's move on.
It's my birthday in a few days. I'm looking forward to finally turning 25! (yep I'm a spring chicken) all my life I wanted to be 25, people seem to respect those around them at that age, it's like your not a child but you not a oldies(hehe). I'm also not looking forward to it because I never imagined being 25 without my grandmother. It's funny how you see a person that you love more then life it's self living forever. Unfortunatly it's not true :( Another thing I've come to realize, grief is a very funny thing and is different for everyone.
Ok well that's it in a nutshell & it's time for me to catch up on everyone elses blogs. Bye!
Oh, one last note. Hailee is growing up to be a real little miss, I don't mean she has an attatude(which does come out somedays.. oh god help me when we come to the teen years lol). But I mean she has grown up so much in the last few months, she's talking better, she's taller and just really seems to know who she is and what she wants chringes.
Amanda <3
Sunday, November 6, 2011
this really hurts....
Hello Everyone,
Ive been dreading this post for a while now. Because in my mind she is still here with us. I walk into the house (that she shared with my Auntie) and I'm expecting her to walk down the hallway and greet us.
On the 18th (Oct) my Grandmother (my dad's mum) was taken to hospital after suffering a stoke and sustaning brain damage. The following day my family went up to see her, we all stood by her bed and cried.
(breath in, breath out.. ok keep typing)
This woman known to all her family and friends as Margaret was my best friend, my grandmother, and so much more! Everday I sat there in the hospital holding her hand. Telling her not to go, telling her I needed her, telling her her life was worth living and she needed to stay.
On the 24th I woke up at 6.30 the phone rang, it was the hospital. We raced up there thinking that this was it she was "going" (honestly I dont know how else to write it right now). Again all the family gathered by her bed, we took turns in sitting with her and having breaks, her breathing ext (to me) seemed to settle a bit better, I thought yes! she is going to survive a few more days.
I was wrong.
Hubby had just finished work and he came into the hospital to come see us and take our daughter home (it was aprox 5.30pm). We got in the car thinking everything was fine and we would see her the next day.
Half an hour later (we were nearly home) I got a phone call from my mother saying that she had died. I couldnt believe it, at that moment in time I was glad Hailee was asleep in the back, we pulled the car over and I burst into tears, I was swearing, crying and taking my anger out of the car.
Why had she died just after I had left? I still dont fully understand! I sat with her nearly everyday from 11am til 5-8pm. I was so angry with her, my family and god (even thought I dont believe in him) for taking her away while I was not there. I had some good advice and I sum what believe it from family; "They say that when people die they wait til the person they loved the most in the whole world leaves". Still I would have liked to have been there holding her hand. Have you had this happen to you? and do you believe in this statement?.
I love you so much Nanny why did you have to die?
The last thing she said to anyone was to my daughter "Hi Hailee, I love you" that sentance will forever be etched into my heart.
We came home and went straight into auto pilot (which I am glad for cause I know if I wasn't I wouldn't STILL be able to sleep at night or function during the day). We started planning her funeral the next day. I had told my father I would not be able to say anything at her funeral because I would just be a blubbering mess... I regreted tellhing him that so I decided on Wednesday morning "nope I know she would want me to be there saying something", so I wrote her this:
SHE WALKS AMONGST THE ANGELS
I see photo's of you and cry,
Then I remember the fun had by you and I.
The life you led made us smile,
You were so beautiful and oh so rare,
But life as they say it just isn't fair.
You now walk amongst the angels,
To protect us from above.
Rest In Peace Nanny
Our hearts full of love
{On Friday 28th Oct we had her funeral}
I 'stood' up there about to say my piece, then I looked over at the coffin and I couldn't breath. I blerted out something like "I wote dis for Nan"... then my night and shining amor came to the rescue THANK YOU HUNNY FOR STANDING UP FOR ME AND READING MY POEM. I am so thankful I had my daughter there, she was my stranght in all of this. She was SO well behaved the entire week I couldnt ask for a more perfect daughter at this moment in time. Even my Auntie (the one who Nan lived with) said to me a few times over the 2 weeks that she was thankful to that Hailee was there. She kept everyone busy and drove us all a little crazy sometimes.
I could right so much more but I think I will leave it...
Ive been dreading this post for a while now. Because in my mind she is still here with us. I walk into the house (that she shared with my Auntie) and I'm expecting her to walk down the hallway and greet us.
On the 18th (Oct) my Grandmother (my dad's mum) was taken to hospital after suffering a stoke and sustaning brain damage. The following day my family went up to see her, we all stood by her bed and cried.
(breath in, breath out.. ok keep typing)
This woman known to all her family and friends as Margaret was my best friend, my grandmother, and so much more! Everday I sat there in the hospital holding her hand. Telling her not to go, telling her I needed her, telling her her life was worth living and she needed to stay.
On the 24th I woke up at 6.30 the phone rang, it was the hospital. We raced up there thinking that this was it she was "going" (honestly I dont know how else to write it right now). Again all the family gathered by her bed, we took turns in sitting with her and having breaks, her breathing ext (to me) seemed to settle a bit better, I thought yes! she is going to survive a few more days.
I was wrong.
Hubby had just finished work and he came into the hospital to come see us and take our daughter home (it was aprox 5.30pm). We got in the car thinking everything was fine and we would see her the next day.
Half an hour later (we were nearly home) I got a phone call from my mother saying that she had died. I couldnt believe it, at that moment in time I was glad Hailee was asleep in the back, we pulled the car over and I burst into tears, I was swearing, crying and taking my anger out of the car.
Why had she died just after I had left? I still dont fully understand! I sat with her nearly everyday from 11am til 5-8pm. I was so angry with her, my family and god (even thought I dont believe in him) for taking her away while I was not there. I had some good advice and I sum what believe it from family; "They say that when people die they wait til the person they loved the most in the whole world leaves". Still I would have liked to have been there holding her hand. Have you had this happen to you? and do you believe in this statement?.
I love you so much Nanny why did you have to die?
The last thing she said to anyone was to my daughter "Hi Hailee, I love you" that sentance will forever be etched into my heart.
We came home and went straight into auto pilot (which I am glad for cause I know if I wasn't I wouldn't STILL be able to sleep at night or function during the day). We started planning her funeral the next day. I had told my father I would not be able to say anything at her funeral because I would just be a blubbering mess... I regreted tellhing him that so I decided on Wednesday morning "nope I know she would want me to be there saying something", so I wrote her this:
SHE WALKS AMONGST THE ANGELS
I see photo's of you and cry,
Then I remember the fun had by you and I.
The life you led made us smile,
You were so beautiful and oh so rare,
But life as they say it just isn't fair.
You now walk amongst the angels,
To protect us from above.
Rest In Peace Nanny
Our hearts full of love
{On Friday 28th Oct we had her funeral}
I 'stood' up there about to say my piece, then I looked over at the coffin and I couldn't breath. I blerted out something like "I wote dis for Nan"... then my night and shining amor came to the rescue THANK YOU HUNNY FOR STANDING UP FOR ME AND READING MY POEM. I am so thankful I had my daughter there, she was my stranght in all of this. She was SO well behaved the entire week I couldnt ask for a more perfect daughter at this moment in time. Even my Auntie (the one who Nan lived with) said to me a few times over the 2 weeks that she was thankful to that Hailee was there. She kept everyone busy and drove us all a little crazy sometimes.
I could right so much more but I think I will leave it...
Wednesday, October 12, 2011
Dedication to Tim and Angelique
Hello Everyone,
Today's post is but a somber one.
A years ago a beautiful, sweet little girl earned her butterfly wings. I rememeber sitting here reading your Daddy's blog, I remember sobbing like a little baby at the news you had passed, after reading your story for so long it felt like you were apart of my family. You were a gift to all of us who had the pleasure of reading the blog and to your family who knew you best. Thank you from the bottom of my heart for touching my life.
It's hard to know what to say,
When one so young is taken away,
Far to soon she had to part,
Her memory forever engraved in our hearts.
We only knew her for a short while,
But the life she led made us smile,
She was so beautiful and oh so rare,
Life as they say just isn't fair.
Those gone before her will wachher with care,
Till the day comes when we'll all join her there.
Know Bella is watching from heaven above,
And with each ray of sunshine,
She's sending her love.
R.I.P Bella our angel.
(her story:http://careforanabella.blogspot.com/)
Today's post is but a somber one.
A years ago a beautiful, sweet little girl earned her butterfly wings. I rememeber sitting here reading your Daddy's blog, I remember sobbing like a little baby at the news you had passed, after reading your story for so long it felt like you were apart of my family. You were a gift to all of us who had the pleasure of reading the blog and to your family who knew you best. Thank you from the bottom of my heart for touching my life.
It's hard to know what to say,
When one so young is taken away,
Far to soon she had to part,
Her memory forever engraved in our hearts.
We only knew her for a short while,
But the life she led made us smile,
She was so beautiful and oh so rare,
Life as they say just isn't fair.
Those gone before her will wachher with care,
Till the day comes when we'll all join her there.
Know Bella is watching from heaven above,
And with each ray of sunshine,
She's sending her love.
(her story:http://careforanabella.blogspot.com/)
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