No one calling me Aunty.. :(

To think I may never be an Aunty upsets me. My brother in-law Craig and his brother (Mark) fiancé, Mandy (yes her names is Amanda too..more about that later) were at dinner at my mother in-law and father in-laws house last Saturday while we were visiting (which I will blog about on Tuesday). As we watched Hailee the subject of kids came up. Both of them at exactly the same time said and I quote "I'm never having kids". You could hear my heart shatter into a million pieces from miles away lol. This may sound really strange but ihad to close my eyes for a few seconds to stop myself from crying. I can't believe it!!. All my life I never thought I would be able to have kids but i always wanted to be an Aunty!. So I used to think it was all up to my little brother Brodie to make me one. Yes you may remember me briefly mentioning I have a younger brother..(maybe- goes back to see if I did indeed mention him hehe) Well he's never having kids either apparently, (yes he is only 21 but sut I believe him) Wow even typing this is making me teary We joke to family that Hailee will be an only grand child. Well after talking about it she just might be insert sad face here because she will likely grow up an only child which is another thing that gets me upset. Poor Hailee. I loved/love having so many cousins to talk/play with. Some have helped me a lot! (I have 16 all together). Haha se what I mean... she will be lucky enough if she has two second cousin's. It's weird thinking about it, it's almost like my husbands life all over again (he never had any cousin's either. He only had his older brother Craig and younger brother Mark to play with. MANDY: I thought the family was pulling my leg especially when I found out Mandy's middle name is Jade...just like mine! weird huh?. Yeah well it's going to be so much fun when Mandy and Mark get married, especially if she takes his last name...NOT! two Amanda Jade Richter in the family, haha I think this world can only handle one ever thousand years ;). Unfortunately this isn't the last of the wildly scary similarities between my family and Steve's. I shall blog about that another time...hehe. side note Craig is 36. Mark is 30, Mandy is 29.. Steve still believes the is hope for us to be an Aunty and Uncle some day soon. Lol Talk with you all during the week! Amanda <3

I'm back!!!!

Hello Everyone.

Wow I can't believe how long it's been since I last blogged. I do apologize!!.

Alot has happened in the last few months since my fingers last touched this keyboard (oh how I have missed you). First off I am feeling much better after the "problems" I had back at the end of Nov. Yay!. We this was our first christmas with out Nan.... it was hard but we survived.

On boxing day Hailee, Steve and I moved out of my parents place and into our own rental. It's the most gorgeous house (only 3 years old) so everything is very new and modern, the most important thing.. well there are 2. 1) The place is wheelchair accessable! & 2) It only takes Hailee and I 5 minutes to walk over to road to mum's work and to the supermarket.. score right?!. The first week felt quite strange because it just didnt feel like "our home" but now it feels like we've always lived here.

Time seems like it has sped up, it honestly doesnt feel like it's been 4 months since Nan has gone. Honestly it's quite hard to step foot in Lorraine (My Auntie)and her home. As to date we have only been there 3 times. The first was to clean out her waredrope. Wow, doing something like that is so surreal!!. I never thought I would do anything like that in my life.. especially for that woman.

It's strange it doesn't feel like she has gone, I was talking to Steve the other day about it, how I imagined I would cry non stop for months but honestly I have hardly cried at all. I think it's because we have not picked up her ashes and scattered them yet (If i got a say I wouldn't want to scatter them.. I want them here with me). But I am just a grandchild, I am not her child.

Ok let's move on.

It's my birthday in a few days. I'm looking forward to finally turning 25! (yep I'm a spring chicken) all my life I wanted to be 25, people seem to respect those around them at that age, it's like your not a child but you not a oldies(hehe). I'm also not looking forward to it because I never imagined being 25 without my grandmother. It's funny how you see a person that you love more then life it's self living forever. Unfortunatly it's not true :( Another thing I've come to realize, grief is a very funny thing and is different for everyone.

Ok well that's it in a nutshell & it's time for me to catch up on everyone elses blogs. Bye!

Oh, one last note. Hailee is growing up to be a real little miss, I don't mean she has an attatude(which does come out somedays.. oh god help me when we come to the teen years lol). But I mean she has grown up so much in the last few months, she's talking better, she's taller and just really seems to know who she is and what she wants chringes.

Amanda <3

I'm out but not myself

Hello Everyone,

I'm out of hospital (I have been for almost a week). Though I am out I'm not myself :(

I felt fine in there.

I came home took my pills/ felt worse than ever.

I went to my GP to change them.

That was 2 days ago.

These new ones haven't kicked in yet.

I just want to be back to 100%.

I hate feeling like this!.

I guess my body is trying to tell me it's time to slow down.

To slow down after the horrid month I had last month.

Ok time to lay down and get some rest...blog again soon.
<3